This morning I woke up wanting to write. Wanting to say anything. Let the words write themselves freely across the keyboard. No backspace, no re-reading 3 times before editing. Just writing whatever comes to mind. So, what came into my head? Unfortunately, not as much as I expected. First I thought, "It's hot". I kept putting my hair up in a bun. "I'm full" came next. I had just made myself scrambled eggs for breakfast. "What am I going to do today?"...Pause...More pause...I looked at the ceiling, then to the window, and back at the monitor... Nothing came to mind. I started to feel a little nervous..."Great, just great" I thought. So I decided to do what any person does when they get stumped. Read my emails. 15 minutes later, I came back to the post. But again nothing came to mind. I had gone blank, my initial desire to write was completely gone and the tension started to flood in.
I asked myself, why had this question made me feel so uncomfortable? What triggered all of this stress so suddenly? Almost automatically, and answering my question, I remembered my grandma, "I hope you find a job soon", then my dad "have you handed out resumes yet?" then my mother, "how's the job hunting going?" and so on. Somehow I had thought that leaving my job would relieve some of the pressure and unwanted stress I had been feeling, but in a way it just added a whole new amount. This was not what I had in mind. Of course I know LIFE is not easy and that I need a job to "survive" or as I would put it, pay the bills, but I still don't want it to be a stresser in my life. Will it be possible? I have no idea.
Once these worries started taking over I knew I had to get up and do something about it, because I cannot go all day moping. One of the things I've always loved to do when I get like this is just sit by a window and look out. All the time I need. Something about feeling the cool breeze in my face and watching the sun shine outside, calms me. I like observing the people around, walking and driving and even honking when the light changes and the first car takes its time to move (yes, I live in the city, right smack in the middle of all the craziness). Just watching outside has an effect of clearing my head and putting things back in perspective. I suddenly got the huge urge to go to the beach. On a WEDNESDAY! I haven't been able to do that in so long. So yes, answering the question that had got me stumped, I think I'll spend the day on the beach. Playing in the sand and swimming in the ocean on a beautiful day. I know this "freedom" won't last long so at least I'll have some fun with it.
Anyway, today i just wanted to write. No meaning, no message just me thinking out loud. I'm not used to doing that, just for fun, or just because. So I hope you liked it just as much.
Have a wonderful day, even if it's laughing and making jokes with your co-workers.
